Revision
by LizFerbuncle
Summary: AU. The Titans are a dream, the imaginings of a very disturbed teenager. Raven. Alternate timeline. Everyone's present, but it's all wrong. RobRae. Rating will go up for later chapters.
1. Fantasy

This is one of those 'why not?' fics that I decided to do while I wait for the 23 total reviews needed to update FD. This one is also based on another fic that I saw a chapter of one time, but I decided to take it a different way and run. I can't think of that other fic's name or else I would give a shout-out here. This will undoubtedly turn explicit and violent, but for now it gets to enjoy a harmless T-rating.

"The only way to realize you were sleeping is to wake up."

**Chapter One**

* * *

It was the sunlight moving into the room that woke her up. Her room was usually completely dark, and it was startling to wake up to so much light. What struck her next was that she wasn't _in_ her bedroom. But she also wasn't in the main room, which she had seldom woken up to, and she also wasn't trapped in a bad guy's cave which she had rarely woken up to.

She was in a nice room, elegant, but at the same time dark around the edges. It was something that she could approve of, at least, even if she wouldn't have chosen it herself. She was on a king-size bed, blankets she didn't own, twisted around her. Then she took note of what she was wearing and was embarrassed to discover nothing.

Raven didn't notice the shower running until it turned off. She had only a moment to locate the bathroom itself before the door opened and Robin-_maskless_-stepped out. Raven instantly hugged the blanket to her chest while simultaneously staring.

_The hell?_

"We're running late," he said while rubbing his hair and giving her a quick smile, "and all of my clothes are dirty, so I'll be back."

Raven reached instantly with her powers to drag him back, to make him explain where the hell they were and what the hell he was doing, but it didn't work. She tried again. No darkness flew from her, no essence reaching up. Her soul remained intact.

Raven stared for only a moment before the need to become clothed was overwhelming enough that she dragged the blanket with her to the dresser where she found some jeans and a dark, long-sleeved shirt. She yanked them on, all the while staring nervously at the door, wondering who else would come wandering through.

It wasn't until she passed by the mirror on the wall that she froze and did a double take. Black hair. She had short, black hair. Her skin was certainly _pale_ but it wasn't gray. And her chakra was gone. She reached for it immediately, and the space beneath her fingers felt effortlessly empty, as though it had always been that way. Raven felt a tremor run through her and she turned to examine the mirror further. Was anything familiar?

Her eyes. They were still that odd color that she hadn't cared about until now. Thank god for her eyes.

There was a quick, light knock on the door. "Yeah?" Raven managed, tearing her eyes from the mirror to look at the door again.

"Are you decent?" The voice was familiar, but the words weren't right…

"I'm clothed," Raven said.

The door swung open to reveal Starfire.

But not.

She still had long, red hair but it didn't glomp together. Her eyes were still green, but the color didn't fill the whites. Her face wasn't so round. She was dressed in a simple skirt and top. And she wasn't floating.

Dear god, she wasn't floating.

"Are you okay?" Raven said. "What happened to you?"

"What are you talking about?" Star replied. "Do I look terrible?"

No accent. No disorganized syntax. Perfect English.

"...No. You…you look great," Raven said slowly.

_What's going on?_

"Aw, thanks Rachel," Star said smiling. "I'm trying to make sure you come down to eat on time. You never eat enough."

It was on the way down the unfamiliar hallways that Raven felt the ring on her fourth finger. She lifted her left hand to see the bright flash of silver and diamonds. Raven knew nothing about earth jewelry, but she had a suspicion that it was expensive.

"Why am I wearing this?" she muttered aloud.

Star looked back and laughed. "I warned you about getting married so young."

"_Married_?" Raven choked.

That earned her a weird look from Star, who decided to ignore the remark.

"Morning ladies," a cheerful voice chirped, and Raven looked over at the tall black man cooking at the stove.

Cyborg, totally whole.

"Morning, Victor. What do you have for us this morning?" Star said, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

"Only my world-famous sausage, a la Brazil. The spice on this baby will make your teeth ache."

"In the morning?" Star asked.

"Better than coffee," Cyborg…Victor promised. He looked over at Raven. "Sit."

She sat. He loaded two plates with sausage links and placed one before each of them. "Enjoy!"

Right then a boy with blond, shaggy hair came strolling into the room and began chopping up some vegetables. "Hey guys," he greeted and Raven jumped at the voice.

Beast Boy.

But he wasn't green. And he wasn't short. He was a taller, paler version of himself and he was calmly adding diced vegetables into a blender not three feet from where Cyborg hummed happily over his sausages.

Robin entered the room then, at a brisk pace and still shaking the water from his hair. "Listen," he said flatly. "All of you need to do your laundry before it comes to life and eats this place."

Instantly Cyborg, BB, and Star chimed in protests that drowned each other out. Robin glanced over at Raven and smiled in such a way that she wanted to blush. She picked up her fork and rearranged the sausages on her plate. But she felt Robin sit next to her a moment later and then she felt his lips on her cheek and she froze once again.

BB sat across from her with a tall glass full of a rancid-looking drink that he appeared to be enjoying immensely. "If you don't want any of that you could have some of my shake," he offered, gesturing with his cup at her uneaten food.

That, of course, brought everyone's attention to Raven. "I brought you down so that you _would_ eat, Rachel," Star groaned.

"It's really good," Cyborg promised, "You'll love it."

"Are you feeling okay?" Robin asked, his face the picture of concern.

"Why is everyone talking about this?" Raven said suddenly, interrupting everyone.

They were startled into a momentary silence. The others looked at Robin, with the exception of BB who stared directly at his shake.

"We-I…You," Robin said carefully, "need to eat well."

There was a strange silence after that. Then Cyborg glanced at the clock and cursed. "Gar, you don't have class until 11, will you clean this for me?" he said, hastily untying his apron and magically producing a bookbag.

"Me not having anything to do with your meat, or its by-products, was part of our arrangement," BB said, shaking his head.

"I'll take care of it," Robin sighed. "Kori, you and Rachel better get going."

Star gave a quick nod, showing that it meant something more than what was said and she took Raven's hand and pulled her along to the living room where there was a maelstrom of book-gathering and Raven found herself with a bag stuffed with books and notebooks around her shoulder, walking down a sidewalk towards a university.

Classes were okay. Well, she was lost as far as _where_ she was supposed to be, but once she got there she discovered that she was excellent in classes. Spending weeks on end reading was something that significantly helped the situation.

Strangest though had been opening the notebooks to find them full of her handwriting. She had dated all of the entries and she discovered notes from months back. So she just sat through the classes, taking notes when she remembered to pay attention and otherwise just wondered what was going on.

She almost had a meltdown during her second class as she tried to levitate the chair ahead of her and again nothing happened. No magic. Her magic had been a part of her soul since she was born. How could she not have magic?

And that led to the question of what was going on. How could Star, BB, Cyborg, and Robin all…_be_ like this? No accents, no odd colorings, no mechanical adherents, no masks. And her ring…she was _married_. And she was in a college! And the people around her, her professors, everyone seemed completely fine with all of this. She didn't even recognize the city.

The shock was wearing thin, and the terror and confusion was beginning to fester. How could all of this be happening?

Star had found her after Raven's second class was over and led her to the student center cafeteria where they met up with friends that Raven didn't recognize. All of them recognized her though and she did her best to wing it, with little success.

"Are you sick?" a guy named either Michael or Matthew asked as he reached across the table and put a hand on her forehead. "No fever," he said with a grin, "Are you just having an off day?"

"I'm fine," Raven said as she moved away from his hand.

"You have been acting strange all day," Star said as she studied Raven. "Perhaps you should go home? Should I call Richard?"

Star had her cell phone out before Raven could protest. "Oh right," a girl named…Vicki? said teasingly, "Richard to the rescue. Must be nice."

"No way," Michael/Matthew said, "Rich totally got the better end of the bargain," he smiled flirtatiously, "My offer for the three-way still stands."

Raven's eyes widened. Did her alter-ego actually hang out with people like this? And furthermore _what_ was she expected to say in such situations?

"Okay," Star said as she snapped her phone shut, "I'm taking you home."

Michael/Matthew, Vicki and two others were staring at Raven. "What's up, Rach?" Vicki said, "You're just _ignoring_ that?"

"I-" Raven stopped. She had no idea what to say. Suddenly the contours of the room drifted in and out of focus and she wavered in her seat.

"Whoa," Vicki said as she grabbed onto Raven's shoulder. "There really _is_ something wrong with you."

Raven felt someone behind her take hold of her arms and gently pull her up out of her chair. She couldn't support her weight correctly with the room spinning so much and she fell against whoever was behind her. "Geez," a voice in her ear murmured. "Let's get you home."

She felt herself being lifted and held against the chest of whoever had been behind her. It was Michael/Matthew. When had he crossed the table to help her? Her eyes shut.

Richard met them partway to their home and had a rather displeased expression on his face as he saw Rachel being cradled in Michael's arms. Kori shrugged helplessly and Richard forced the expression off of his face. "I've got her," he said as he pulled her against him.

**xXxXxXxXxXx**

She was in a bed, she could tell that much. And there were arms around her. She groaned as she opened her eyes. "I thought it was a dream," she said unhappily.

"Rachel?" Robin asked his voice groggy.

Raven pulled away from him and sat up. It was then that she realized that she was wearing different clothing, namely a large shirt of Robin's. Her face flushed. "You changed me," she said in a rather constricted voice.

"To something more comfortable," he said as he sat up, "and then I joined you. What's wrong?"

He had seen her naked, that's what was wrong.

"How old am I?" Raven asked.

Robin stared. "What?"

"Nineteen? Twenty? Twenty-one?" she ventured.

He grabbed her arm and moved closer to her. She tried to pull away but he held her steady as he peered into her eyes and then ran hands through her silky hair carefully feeling for any swelling or cuts. "Is this a joke?" he asked as he continued his search for an injury.

Raven was doing her best to wrest herself from his grip. "No!" she said on the verge of hysteria. "How old am I?"

"We're both twenty," he said firmly as he looked straight into her eyes.

"Are we married?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

Robin's grip became much rougher. "Why are you asking me this?" he demanded.

"Are we?" she repeated.

"Why are you asking me this?" he insisted.

"I don't know!" Raven answered.

"Yes," he said as a painful expression overtook his face. "For a year. Yesterday."

She stared at him. "Why did we get married?"

He let go of her arms and moved back in one motion. His eyes swiftly searched her expression. "Tell me this is a joke," he said in a slightly choked voice. "This is just a bad joke."

Raven was silent.

"We love each other," he said blankly while staring at her. "That's why we got married."

She could tell this was upsetting him, but she needed to know. What happened? What was going on? How could she wake up and be trapped in a world that she didn't know or experience?

Raven looked away. "What am I studying?"

"Triple major in Languages, History, and Pre-med." Robin's voice was thick.

"How long have we been together?"

"Four years."

Raven hesitated and then looked away. "We've been sleeping together?"

Robin's breath caught in his throat. "For two years."

She shut her eyes as a strange expression passed over her face.

"You don't remember any of it?" Robin's voice broke.

Raven shut her eyes. "This is all just a dream. Isn't it, Robin?"

"You remember that name?"

"I _know_ that you're Robin and I _know_ that I'm Raven."

He slowly moved forward. "Anything more?"

"Your parents are dead. You were raised by Bruce Wayne."

His eyes had a strange look in them. "And yours?"

"I lived with my mother for awhile. My father…wasn't a part of my home."

Robin hesitated and then spoke carefully. "Your parents are both dead, Rachel."

She just looked at him. There was a strange feeling in her stomach. "What more?" she asked as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

His expression showed his internal battle of whether or not to tell her. "Are you sure you want to know this?" he said quietly.

* * *

Reviews are amazing.

Chapter 2 (and 3 and 4) are already written so updates should be pretty quick for awhile.

-Liz


	2. Delusion

Thank you everyone for the excellent reviews! This may not seem like a quick update, but actually for merging and condensing two chapters, this is pretty speedy. The third chapter I am still fairly fond of so I'm thinking an update in about a week, if anyone actually remains interested in the story.

Anyway, I'll make a note now, that the names that are used in the narrative reflects the beliefs of the point-of-view of the person the narration is following which can easily change within the same section.

Still under the innocent T rating, but it is going to rise pretty quickly.

Also note! Some of the content is **disturbing**. Not graphic at all, but if you are of a supremely weak constitution and you _know_ that this stuff is going to bother you, then you should just stop reading now instead of wasting your time flaming me for it later. At least it's not gratuitous yet.

I don't own it.

* * *

**delusion** de·lu·sion  
_n._  
A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence.

**xXxXxXxXxXx**

"Given her history it is possible that she's re-written her past. Being a superhero is something that gives her a measure of control and it sounds like in this delusion she was able to defeat the evil," Dr. Lewis said to Richard.

"You defeated your father in this history?" he asked Rachel for confirmation.

"It-I…He was evil. He was going to destroy the world. It _did_ happen!" Rachel said as she curled even tighter into herself. She was had been getting steadily less comfortable since arriving. Richard wanted to comfort her, but she didn't want his comfort.

Dr. Lewis licked his lips. "And Richard was there?"

"All of my friends were," Rachel replied staunchly. "They helped me defeat him."

"Richard specifically?"

"_Robin_ specifically. He helped me the most. He went into Hell to bring me back." Raven turned to Robin hoping that some form of memory was re-emerging but was surprised to see an intense look of pain on his face.

Dr. Lewis looked at Richard for a moment and then cleared his throat. "Rachel, I'm going to tell you some things that are going to be difficult to hear."

Rachel looked at him with big, mistrustful eyes and then jumped as she felt a hand on her own. Richard moved closer and was facing her, holding her hand. She could tell that he badly wanted to hold her. She looked away.

"Rachel, your parents are both dead," Dr. Lewis began in a soft, comforting voice. "Your home was abusive, from the age of one and onward you were in and out of the hospital with broken bones, burns, and cuts. When you were eight your father began sexually abusing you, rape."

She didn't look at him, choosing instead to look around at the various things in Dr. Lewis' office. He looked at her for a moment. She was listening, at least.

"When you were ten you became friends with Richard who noticed all of the bruises."

Rachel's hands were clenching the tops of her knees tightly enough that the material of her jeans was bunching together. Who was making this up? What reality had she been transported to?

"You were so good at hiding it," Richard said softly. "The only ones I ever noticed were the ones on your face."

Rachel didn't say anything, gazing at her hands instead, her expression blank. Richard recognized it perfectly. "I still didn't really know what was happening, until you told me." His voice suddenly became harsh. "You were pregnant."

"Do you remember any of it?" Dr. Lewis asked quietly.

"No," Rachel suddenly said, glaring at her clenched fists. "My father didn't ever do any of that. He was a demon. He needed to use me to get to earth. He was going to destroy everything."

Richard shook his head, his expression frustrated and sad simultaneously.

"I told my father what was going on," Richard said. "He called the services who contacted your father." His tone turned bitter. "They set up a _meeting_ with him. They should have removed you immediately."

"Don't you remember?" Dr. Lewis asked.

She shook her head again, forcing her hands to unclench. Why had she agreed to come here? She'd wanted answered, not this.

Dr. Lewis sighed. "That night he beat you nearly to death. Then he dragged your mother into the room and shot her and then himself. You miscarried. Richard walked into the house the next morning and found you. It took a year of rehabilitation to regain use of your body."

She still stared downwards before moving her hands up a little.

The human version was close. But not as painful.

A flash of color took out her vision for a moment. It outlined the strangeness of these hands.

"You came to live with me and my father. I would help you when you had nightmares. We love each other."

_They were supposed to be familiar!_

"Think about it Rachel," Dr. Lewis said. "What are your powers in this other world?"

"I…" Rachel faded off. She could fly, she could disappear into shadows, go wherever she wanted to go, she could heal people, she could manipulate the things around her to protect herself and her friends and hurt those that threatened them.

But all she could think about were her pale wrists in front of her each with a faded white scar deep enough to have slashed through her veins. She touched a trembling finger to the raised skin of her left wrist and felt the reality of it.

"I need to leave," Rachel said as she stood suddenly and fled.

Richard stood immediately to follow her. "Rachel!"

"Maybe you should let her go," Dr. Lewis said. There was a silence and then he sighed unhappily. "I'm sorry that this is happening," he said, "She made such great progress over the years that I wasn't expecting anything like this at all."

Richard turned to stare at him intensely. "Do we really have to start all over? It was all so painful, does it start back there?"

"This is an abnormal case," Dr. Lewis admitted. "She's replaced the memories for everything, beginning in childhood. If it weren't for the idea of supernatural abilities and the true _reality_ of her body, then I'd almost consider it a fresh start for her," he looked up suddenly, "Has she seen herself naked since this began?"

Richard's breath caught in his throat. While he had called Dr. Lewis she had simply pulled on her jeans and added a jacket over her shirt. She hadn't wanted to actually change in front of him. He slowly shook his head and could feel the pity radiating from Dr. Lewis.

**xXxXxXxXxXx**

It was late when Raven returned to the home.

She had spent hours trying to levitate. Hurt herself when she attempted to fly. Wandered to the campus library to search through maps for Jump City. Grew disgruntled when the librarian greeted her as Rachel and asked how she was liking her latest books. Found nothing on Jump City. Got on the internet. Found nothing under Teen Titans, Jump City, Justice League, Batman. Cut the back of her hand to see if the pain of it would wake her. Failed.

She slipped in through the back door and started up the stairs. It was when she was in the darkened hallway that she stopped. _She_ had no bedroom. _Please let this just be a dream_.

She jumped as a pair of hands slid onto her shoulders. "Raven," he murmured into her ear. "It's okay to come in." He steered her into _their_ bedroom.

"You called me Raven," she said, trying to look at him.

"If that's what you want to be called, then I'll call you that. If you want me to be Robin then I'll be Robin."

She closed her eyes. "But it's not the same."

There was silence for a moment before Robin leaned in close to her and held her hands. She pulled away. "Raven, what Dr. Lewis told you is true."

"No," she shook her head firmly. "I _remember_ what truly happened."

"Raven," he began but then reached up and started unzipping her jacket.

"What are you doing?" she demanded as she pulled back from him.

He moved forward to follow her and continued. "I can't just let you go without knowing."

He pulled off the jacket and then slid the shirt off of her shoulder and down to the elbow. "Look."

Raven's eyes grew big. There were scars, zigzagging across her pale skin. "Wha…"

His eyes begged forgiveness as he slowly tugged her shirt down, every inch revealing more knife marks and burns. A cry escaped Raven's lips and she crossed her arms across her chest and twisted her head away to avoid looking at it.

"Some of those are from you and some are from _him_," Robin's voice contained utter loathing in the last word.

"Is there more?" she demanded.

There were. Whip marks across her back, scars lining her thighs, stomach, and sides. The only untouched places were the places that clothing didn't usually cover.

"No," Raven said firmly. "I don't remember any of this. None of this is mine."

Robin grasped her hands tightly. "Please don't go back to where you were," he pleaded. "We've gotten better. I don't want you to have to go through all of those terrible nightmares and moments."

"I don't _remember_ this!" she exclaimed tersely as she wrested her hands out of his grip and stood up. "This is all made-up. Maybe Mad Mod put me here," she said knowing it wasn't true. Mad Mod had died in prison months ago, "Or else a…a new villain."

Robin pulled her into his arms and held her. She struggled to get away from him. "Let me go, I need to get out of here!"

But he didn't let her go. He only tightened his grip and began speaking softly. "You would scream in the middle of the night, screams that tore your throat apart, always pleading for that bastard to leave you alone. At first Bruce would come into your room to wake you up and try to calm you down.

"Then I started to go in first. My room was just down the hall from your so I heard you first. I would climb into bed with you and tried to wake you up. You _always_ thought that I was _him_, and you would try to fight me. But," he voice changed slightly, "it was impossible. You're such a slight person, there was no chance that you could win."

Raven had stopped moving and just listened. Robin reached out to stroke her cheek but she jerked back. "Finally after a year you would wake up and know that it wasn't him, that it was me instead. And after awhile I just went to sleep with you as well. It lessened the terror of your nightmares at least." Robin trailed off.

They let the silence go on for a few moments before Raven spoke. "What happened next?"

Robin swiftly looked at her, but then settled his calmed his expression as he continued. "We were fourteen at that point. You started talking to other people and getting friends. I still had to stay with you all the time. But we're friends with good people, Raven, they all really care."

"Do they know this story?" Raven asked using careful wording.

Robin nodded. "But you didn't tell them until you were sixteen. They knew that something was wrong but they didn't understand what. You've had trust issues, and you…were afraid that they would reject you if they found out. It didn't make any sense. They wanted to help, having a dark past didn't make that change that."

"Sixteen," Raven repeated. "Was it the day of?"

"When you turned sixteen you decided that you would eventually tell them. It actually took a couple months before you could work up the courage."

The events mirrored those that she remembered. Someone who knew her well must have orchestrated this.

Robin continued without prompting. "That's when we started going out. You were better. You actually trusted people, had friends, joined some activities. It's also when I caught you cutting yourself so I made you go to a psychiatrist, Dr. Lewis."

It was something the other Robin would do as well. She still didn't believe it, but it was better to go along until she figured it all out.

"The cutting stopped, the nightmares stopped, the distrust…lessened. Kori's been a great friend for you, she makes you do things and meet new people. Victor has always been protective of you. Gar inadvertently makes you laugh."

"Do other people know?" Raven asked.

Robin shook his head. "You didn't want them to. So you've had a very selective wardrobe, never go swimming in public, and skipped gym class. You always told me that it wasn't fair for everyone who saw you to immediately know your past."

"The sex?" she asked hesitantly.

"It was your idea. You said that you wanted to chase the demons away. And we were in love, it wasn't just a cold method for you." Robin paused for a moment, judging her expression. Raven had the distinct impression that he knew exactly what she thought of this and it irked her that she couldn't use her empathy.

He grasped her arms suddenly, roughly and yanked her closer to him so they were staring directly into each other's eyes.

"I'm telling you the truth!" he said, "God, Rachel, why would I lie to you?"

It startled her into reacting. "It's not _real_. It's an elaborate trap or a joke-"

"Joke?" he interrupted, eyes widening, "Who would joke to you about this? Would we? Would I?"

"No!" she tried to reply, "My friends would never try to-"

"You have scars!" his voice lowered, "You have records, I could take you to the police station and _show you_ the pictures. Our friends know, I know, and, up until today, you knew it as well."

"But I don't remember it!" she said. "Shouldn't I be able to remember it? Maybe this is just an extended dream. The real me is in a coma."

"This is the real you!" Robin said, helplessly. "What can I do to prove this to you?"

"…I don't know," Raven said in a tired frustration. "You can tell me all these stories, but I have a full past. I can tell you anything you want to know about it, all the way down to my childhood. Dreams are never so real."

Robin looked down for a moment and suddenly his grip on her became much tighter. She gasped and then he let go of her arms and grabbed her wrist, examining the back of her hand. There was a cut going down the middle of it in an unnaturally straight pattern. "What's this from?" he asked, the suspicion heavy in his voice.

"I...I made a cut to see if it would wake me up," she said.

He shut his eyes for a moment, letting go of her arm to grip his own hair tightly as he stared downwards. "You cut yourself," he said tightly. "It's been three years since you last hurt yourself."

He let the silence go on for a moment. "We'll go and visit Bruce tomorrow."

"Your father."

"Yes. We have photos of you from over the years, maybe it will help."

* * *

To those few that are still interested...What do you think is happening? Or, if you're sick of guessing games, please just review.

Also, quick note- Dr. Lewis is a legit psychiatrist and totally not a villian in disguise.

-Liz


	3. Memory

You all must be pissed at me. I promise you quick updates and then I don't deliver.

Here's the deal. I read over this chapter and I was very unhappy with it for a good, long while. Very unhappy, which forced me to do an enormous amount of rewrites. I'm still not too pleased with it, so I ask you to be gentle. Though I'm probably going to end up pissing people off again. I think I'll be able to post _fairly_ rapidly, as I was happier with the next chapter. Relatively. Also, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to be a beta for me? I have a habit of making stupid mistakes and I'd like someone to go over the plot and style with me. I'd really appreciate it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

**Memory**

**–noun, plural-ries. **

The state or fact of being remembered.

* * *

Xxxxxxxxxx

Bruce was concerned. Richard had called him that morning and explained to him that Rachel had what the psychiatrist was calling 'selective amnesia disorder' and that she had created an alternate past for everyone and everything. So Bruce had called the company and told him that they wouldn't be in today and had Alfred ready Richard's old bedroom.

He could tell immediately that Rachel recognized him and it made him wonder how he had been represented in her alternate reality. But he didn't want to cross the lines of what he was and was not allowed to say until he knew what those lines were.

The two were planning on staying the weekend at their old home and so they headed into Richard's old room. Raven knew the room, Robin could tell from the expression on her face. "How is it familiar?" he asked.

"One time you and I were on an undercover mission in Gotham and I came and talked to you in here one time. I don't know it very well, but I do remember it," Raven said as she ran a hand along the books on the bookshelves. They were in the same order as she remembered. "How well do I know it here?"

"Quite well. Sometimes at night we would just stay in my bedroom if you were feeling scared. And then we've spent a few holidays here since we've been married and this is where we stayed," Robin nodded towards the closet, "You have extra clothing here from way back when we still lived here."

Raven's head jerked up at this and she looked at Robin. Then she crossed the room and swung open the closet doors. Half of it was full of Robin's clothing, the other half was entirely empty. Robin frowned. "Well it _did_ have your clothing in it," he said.

xxxxxxxxxx

During dinner Bruce went ahead and broached the subject. "How is it that you remember me?" he asked with interest.

Richard glared at him but Rachel answered without hesitation. "You were Batman, one of the leading members of the Justice League. You were one of the top superheroes. Everyone envied you and all villains were terrified of you."

Bruce smiled. "Was I really the best?"

"Yes. You were completely skilled at martial arts and stealth. But by day you were the billionaire playboy in order to hide your identity. Your nemesis was the Joker."

At this both Richard and Bruce turned to look at her sharply. "You said the Joker?" Bruce asked.

"He exists here?" Rachel asked slightly confused.

Richard and Bruce seemed to exchange a silent debate. "There's a person who's been sending us anonymous threats for over a year now," Richard finally said slowly. "He signs them 'The Joker.'"

"Threats?" Rachel repeated.

The two were silent for a moment. Finally Bruce sighed. "They're threats towards me but they always mention hurting my children."

"Your children…us?" Rachel asked quietly.

"'Two little birdies' is how he puts it," Richard cut in distastefully. "He's a nut job that is no real danger to anyone."

"I'm glad that you remember it," Bruce said brusquely. "Just in case."

"How about the others?" Rachel ventured. "Is there an Iceman, or Penguin, or Scarecrow?"

Bruce fought to keep an amused expression off his face. "No specific ones."

"Catwoman?" Rachel insisted. "Clayface? Poison Ivy?"

"No," Richard said softly.

xxxxxxxxx

That evening Robin and Raven sat in one of the living rooms surrounded by photo albums. "And there we are in senior year," Robin said as he pointed to yet another photo.

Raven studied this photo with a slightly sick feeling. She didn't remember it yet here they were. Photographic records of the life that she was now hearing about constantly. She also felt cheated. There were three years in here that she had missed. And they would have been her best years as well. Finally free from the holds of her father she would have been able express her emotions freely.

Strangest yet were the wedding photos. It didn't escape Robin's attention that her eyes refused to linger on those and so he carefully moved those photos out of sight where she wouldn't be forced to dwell on them yet. Then Robin pulled out a different series of photos.

"Here," he said as he handed them to her. "This is a roll of film that you took a few months ago. Maybe some of this will look familiar."

A lot of the shots were of her friends, including one of an irritable-looking Robin reaching forward, presumably to stop the taking of said photo. There were other photos of various places. Raven saw the beauty and the appreciation that she shared with the person that took the photos.

And she did try.

But there was nothing. Not even an inkling of familiarity that didn't come from the sight of her friends.

Robin had been studying her face the entire time, hoping that something would spark her memory. He was disappointed when he saw her face fall and the subsequent frustration.

"It's okay," he said softly as he took the photos from her and put them carefully away. She was clearly distressed but was trying not to let it show. The only reason he knew was from over a decade of decoding her expressions.

So he made quick work of re-organizing everything _off_ their bed. "It's too late for all of this anyway," he said.

Raven nodded mechanically as she hopped off of the bed and headed into the bathroom to change as was her latest habit. She hesitated at the doorway and turned back to look at him. Robin felt her indecision and looked up at her. She wanted to try it, he knew. She wanted to try the whole 'romance' thing, wanted to get it back and experience it. He didn't let it show on his face how much he wanted her to try it as well, but his breath caught in his throat.

Raven shook her head and looked away. "I'm sorry," she faltered as she moved quickly into the bathroom and pulled the door shut.

Robin sighed from where he sat on the bed and let the photos fall around him as he ran his fingers through his hair and then tightly clutched the locks. His breath was a bit hard and he wasn't willing to admit exactly how upset he was.

xxxxxxxxxx

That night as they lay together in bed, both of them wore conservative pajamas so as to _decrease_ intimacy (though Robin had been forced to go out and purchase them), he was surprised as Raven crawled across the bed interlaced her fingers with his.

"Tell me a story," she whispered.

"Which one?" he asked.

Raven was silent for a moment. "One that I would remember."

Robin sighed. She should remember everything. But he knew what she meant. She wanted something with strong emotion, something that should have been very memorable. Like marriage. But he remembered her expression (or lack thereof) when she saw the photos of it and decided to stay away from that.

"The night before you forgot everything," Robin said. "I can tell you that."

Part of him knew that this wasn't a good idea, but it was almost as though he couldn't help himself. Raven didn't seem to sense anything was wrong

"That night was our anniversary," Robin said bluntly.

Raven stiffened and her hand moved as though to disentangle from his but he held tight. "One year married. And so we had blown off homework and our evening classes and went out to dinner. Gar, Victor, and Kori had all cleared off in order to give us the house to ourselves."

He moved closer to her and then sat up slightly so that he leaned above her. "And we had great, fantastic sex, and you loved it. And then you told me that you loved me and we both went to sleep. In the morning you seemed disturbed, went to school for half the day and then came home to tell me that you didn't remember _any_ of it."

His breath caught in his throat and betrayed the break in his voice. Raven reached up and brushed some hair away from his face in a gesture of comfort. He closed his eyes and leaned his head into her light touch. She could feel his want, his _need_.

Robin leaned down and jammed his mouth onto hers and his hands suddenly moved along her body. After a moment in which Raven felt as though she couldn't breathe Robin moved his head to suck on a part of her shoulder that made her gasp in exquisite pleasure. Robin knew every inch of her body intimately, he knew every hot spot on her body and he knew how to manipulate them.

He could feel her responding, feel the pleasure coursing under her skin as he continued. Her fingers came up to tangle in his black hair and her lips traced his skin. He groaned in fulfilled pleasure and his fingers traveled over every inch of her. Suddenly she broke away and sat up, turning her back to him. His hands curled in frustration but he stayed silent.

"I'm sorry," she said and he could hear the tears in her voice. "I can't. I don't know how. I've never done this before."

"You have," he said as he sat up as well and slowly placed his arms around her. "At least once a day for over two years. Just being with you is what makes it amazing. You can."

Raven's tears turned into sobs and she pulled her knees to her chest. "I…I'm sorry."

Robin's disappointment slid over him but he did his best to mask it. He pulled her body back towards him and then down into the sheets. She moved as though to escape. "Just to sleep, Raven. Just let me hold you."

He stayed awake long after she was asleep, breathing in the scent of her which was the closest that he could now get. He slowly pushed the shoulder of her shirt down and he idly ran his fingers over the scarred flesh. Leaning forward Robin brushed his lips against the raised skin. He would have given anything that he and Raven had destroyed her father, and that none of her terrible past would have happened to her.

Everything except for this loss.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Raven was walking by herself around the lower left side of the house, her eyes straying to all parts of the walls and all of the furniture. It was early morning and she had snuck out of the bed while Robin was still sleeping, dressed, and left. She had carefully avoided the living and dining rooms and was now in a full examination.

It was Alfred who watched her from down the hall. It was part of his duty to care for everyone within the manor and he also was quite fond of Rachel having known her since she was much younger. It wasn't in his mind to disturb her, but he was keeping an eye out especially after having heard the news about her sudden relapse.

Rachel ran her hands along the seams of the walls, crouched down to peer behind the heavy furniture that she couldn't lift, though not from lack of trying. Alfred had seen the frustration on her face as her fingers had curled in some gesture that she was expecting to work and which obviously didn't.

Alfred didn't turn his head when he heard the nearly soundless entrance of his main charge and it was with a slight head bow that he greeted him. "Master Bruce."

Bruce returned the greeting vaguely as his eyes settled on the form of Rachel. "How long has she been doing this?"

"I've been watching her for the past forty minutes. Should I approach her Master Bruce?"

"No," Bruce shook his head. "I'll go."

It ticked Raven off that she didn't hear Bruce approaching until he was nearly behind her. Her old self, _other self_ she mentally corrected, would have felt his presence as soon as he entered the same open area.

"Is there something that you're looking for?" he asked.

"I'm just going out of my way to prove my continued insanity," Raven muttered, her irritability seeping through.

Bruce was apparently as used to her different moods as Robin was. "There's something that's supposed to be here?" he rephrased.

Raven pushed back a piece of hair that had drifted onto her face. "There was an entrance here. A secret one," Raven could feel herself blushing from how stupid she sounded, but ignored it. "I was never allowed to see where it was exactly, but it was somewhere around here."

There was silence for a moment. "Rachel," Bruce said carefully. "There are no secret entrances anywhere around here that I know of. And I know this place well."

"And I know it better," came the voice of Alfred from behind them. "While there are private rooms on the premises there are no private entrances or exits, Mistress Rachel."

Raven cringed a bit knowing that both Bruce and Alfred had seen her. Still she was able

to take a small measure of comfort knowing at least _Alfred_ remained the same in both worlds. She allowed herself to be led to the kitchen for a meal.

Bruce couldn't refrain from asking Rachel questions about himself from this alternate universe. "So you were saying that I had martial arts and stealth," he prompted as they sat at the dinner table.

Richard scowled but Bruce ignored it. "Yes," she answered as she picked at the food in front of her. "But you were extremely secretive about _anything_ from your personal life. I didn't even know all of it and the only reason that I did was because of one time when I used telepathy and read Robin's mind. _He_ knew all of your secrets."

Raven knew how utterly insane she sounded but she refused to acknowledge it as anything out of the ordinary.

"Did I have any superpowers as well?" Bruce continued.

Raven did appreciate the fact that his tones never betrayed any judgment. "No. You were completely human. But you had a ridiculous amount of mythical technology to help you with all of your missions."

Robin felt increasingly uncomfortable hearing her talk about all of this. "Did I have a back story?" Bruce asked.

Raven nodded. "I don't know it very well though because it was another secret. Your parents were killed by mobsters when you were a child and you wanted revenge. You picked the bats because of some experience with them that I don't know about, and you were a late-night vigilante. That's all I know."

"Some of that is correct," Bruce said a bit too easily. "The mobster account. And the bat experience. But it struck out with the midnight vigilante."

Robin sat in silence as he refrained from looking at Bruce. It was rare to ever hear Bruce discuss his past.

Sure enough Bruce ended the conversation shortly after.

Robin watched Raven as she ran her fingers deftly through her wet hair. "Did I have a story?" he asked her quietly.

Raven's fingers never hesitated or faltered. "You were part of the Flying Graysons, a circus acrobatic act. A mobster sabotaged the act one night so that your parents ended up falling to their deaths. Bruce Wayne adopted you and you became his sidekick named Robin. After awhile you left Gotham to help me form the Teen Titans in Jump City."

"Do you know the real story?" Robin asked softly.

Raven's fingers stopped moving and drifted down to rest on her knees which were pulled up to her chest. "No I don't."

"My parents committed suicide. It was later decided that there was some sort of stress that was hitting them hard and one night they were drunk and held hands and jumped off the roof of our apartment building. Bruce did adopt me. I've never heard of Jump City."

Raven now rested her chin on her knees. "How old were you?"

"Six," he answered.

She nodded slightly. "Were you there?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't as bad as yours was."

"But you still _remember_ yours," Raven protested.

They were silent for a moment. "Raven," Robin began hesitantly, "I can't sleep here tonight."

"What?" Raven asked with a dark feeling in her stomach.

Robin shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. "It's very hard for me to be in the same bed with you each night and not be able to touch you. Things aren't like they used to be."

Raven didn't move for a moment and then nodded hollowly. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just…"

He gave a faint smile. "I know."

He kissed her chastely on the cheek and then left the room.

xXxXxXxXxXx

It was entirely strange wandering through the halls at night. Despite having no superpowers anymore her night vision was still superior and so she could at least travel in the darkness with little interruption.

"Good evening Mistress Raven."

She was startled to hear the sound of him at the end of the hallway and then sighed. "You are still the same."

"I imagine that I would be," he answered. "Is there anything that I can help you with tonight?"

"Did I _really_ grow up here, Alfred?" Raven couldn't help but ask.

"You lived here from the age of twelve onwards," he answered succinctly. "I was witness to it."

Raven stared around the dark halls around her before shutting her eyes. "By chance was my bedroom five doors away from Robin's, through the left corridor?"

Alfred nodded. "Would you like to go and see it?"

Raven led the way there, opened the door, and then gasped. It was a nearly exact replica of her _other_ bedroom. The size was different and it was clear that she hadn't been able to go the lengths that she had before, but otherwise it was a perfect match.

"It certainly did not go with the décor of the rest of the manor but both you and Master Richard insisted and it was allowed as long as you were willing to keep your door shut when you weren't using it," Alfred said in a fairly even tone.

Raven hovered at the edge of the door but couldn't bring herself to actually step inside. Alfred tastefully pretended to not notice. "Did I keep any journals of any sort?" Raven asked him.

He nodded. "Every few months you would buy a rather large book and make constant private entries. You kept all of the full ones in that trunk."

Raven's eyes came to rest upon a trunk that she didn't recognize from her other life. "Would you like me to retrieve them for you?" Alfred asked impassively.

"No," Raven said with a hint of annoyance, though not directed towards Alfred.

Taking a deep breath she forced herself into the room, crossed directly to the trunk, undid the latches and pulled open the lid. It was completely empty.

"There's not here," she said.

Alfred looked startled and then walked with a steady gait to where she stood. "They should all be in there," he murmured. "No one has touched them nor would anyone dare. No one has any wish to incur your wrath."

Raven acknowledged his statement with a slight nod as she continued to stare. The journals would have reassured her so much, they would have _explained_ what her life was like.

She had apparently spoken the last statement aloud for Alfred answered her. "It was disturbing. Even among the dark standards within this manor. It was still disturbing."

* * *

Anyway, review please.

I'm sorry about the pacing of this, the next chapter shall improve.

Flames are accepted, but kind of meaningless. Thanks!


	4. History

And the saga continues. My life has been so busy lately. I'm going through senior year at high school and that makes this time of year extremely hectic. But I get to move away from everything. Irrelevant note, but I've been flamed before for the violence and portrayal of violence in my stories in which people tell me that I wouldn't write those sort of things if I had ever gone through it. It's odd that my writing would make them assume that I've had an ideal life. Writing is a medium for the mind, after all. And I'm in my second foster home, for some very terrible things that happened to myself and my brother. But everything is incredibly better than it was and being a foster kid gives me great financial aid, and I'm pleased with who I am.

And the flames have been more than equaled out by the amazingness of my reviewers. All of your comments make so very happy and I love them all very much.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them.

**his·to·ry**

**–noun, plural-ries. **

A continuous, systematic narrative of past events as relating to a particular people, country, period, person, etc.

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

Robin was worried. It was Wednesday, three days after their return from Gotham and Raven still wasn't back to the way that she should have been. There was more than enough proof,_ something_ should have triggered her memory by now.

But it hadn't.

Not that she wasn't trying. She was going to all of her classes, easily accomplished all of her assignments, and attended the group functions that she had previously been involved in. It was strange because while she was the same Raven she was also different.

Raven sat in the living room of their shared house, the television on. She was staring listlessly at the flashing channels, having watched so little television in her alternate life she wasn't sure if this was the same or different.

"Wait, leave it on that channel!"

Raven froze as Gar ran lightly down the hall, leaped over the side of the couch, and landed lightly on the cushion before fully relaxing. His eyes remained entirely glued on the television while Raven used the opportunity to study him.

Gar was vaguely like Beast Boy. He was older and his structure changed along with it. His face was elongated though still BB-like, and his body looked stretched, as though he were still in the process of growing. Though the eye shape and hair texture were the same, the colors weren't. The eyes were a green, but a realistic green this time, the hair was blond and shaggy as though to make up for a lack of fur.

It wasn't until the commercial that the force of Raven's gaze drew his attention. "Oh hey Rachel," he said in a careful voice. He had been avoiding her ever since her mind split.

"Raven," she corrected automatically.

He nodded quickly. "Right," he said, "I forgot."

"Did your parents die in Africa?" she suddenly asked him.

He was startled. "Uh, yeah. But...but how did you know that?"

"What?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "How did you know that my parents died in Africa?"

"No one knows that?" Raven asked in surprise.

"_I'm_ not even supposed to know that," Gar said. "How on earth do you? Has someone been talking to you?"

"Why am I not supposed to know?" Raven asked.

"Tell me, _how _you do know!" Gar said insistently. "Who told you?"

"We all just _knew_ that in the other world," Raven said slowly. "Your parents were researching."

"They were researching viruses to be used in bio-chemical warfare," Gar said quietly, "And became victims of it. It was hushed up because it's not ethical and the UN would freak. But someone contacted me to let me know how they really died. Everyone is supposed to believe that they were in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean."

Raven stared at him. "And were you adopted? A man named Stev-"

"I grew up in foster homes, Rae. Most good, some bad," Gar looked uncomfortable. "We've swapped stories before, it was hard to talk about and now you don't remember it?"

"No," she answered honestly, and then paused. "Are we all like this?"

"What, the whole amnesia thing?"

"No. The messed-up pasts and unfinished fights."

Gar stared at her and then shrugged. "Everyone's got a story, Rae."

She was silent for awhile. "You're a lot wiser than your counterpart."

"I was dumb in your world?"

"You were fifteen."

Raven retreated to her bedroom that night and didn't leave. The world was difficult and annoying. She didn't know how to handle this one and it was made worse by the fact that she had apparently _been _handling it before now. She sighed and crawled into a sitting up position. Meditation had always worked in the past.

…

Well it had always _helped_ in the past, she admitted.

It wasn't until four a.m. hit that she was willing to admit her defeat. Unable to sleep, she walked out of her room and into the dark hallway. The scars all over her body still disturbed her and she wore a long tee-shirt that she found in one of the drawers to cover them up.

It ticked her off that she kept running into things in the hallways, it was too dark for her human self to see everything. "I hate this," she whispered and unbidden tears formed at her eyes.

She found herself feeling her way to the guest bedroom where Robin was staying despite her insistence that she take it instead. "It wouldn't be our room without you in it," he had said.

Her hands scrabbled at the door before finding the knob and turning it. The overly neat room allowed for her to make her way quickly across the floor and what moonlight there was made its way through the gaps in the curtains lit it enough for her to be able to crawl safely onto the bed that he was sleeping in. Her weight on the bed was just enough to stir him from sleep. "Raven?" he murmured sleepily.

The tears were still heavy on her cheeks and stung her eyes. "You would have woken up the very instant that I touched the doorknob," she cried. "You would have been up and ready to fight before you recognized me."

All tiredness left his face. "That's enough of this," he said and he grabbed her around her middle and pulled her down under the covers with him. "Raven," he said into her ear. "That place never existed. You live here and you live with me and you love me and you are _happy_ here. There is no reason for you to be like this. And," he gazed at her as her hair tickled his skin, and the moonlight pooled on her face, "oh god, just let me touch you," he whispered.

Raven closed her eyes as his lips trailed all over her skin and his fingers traveled across her body. "I can prove to you that all of this is true," he murmured to her. "I just want you so badly."

"I…" she began, but he kissed her forcefully and then moved his mouth to her neck, sucking and nipping gently.

He forcefully turned them over and Raven was surprised at exactly how strong this Robin could be. The thought cleared her head a bit and she raised her hands to push him back. Instead he trailed his fingers across her skin and then up into her hair as his mouth found _that place_ on her neck.

"R-Robin!" she cried out beneath him and he felt almost dizzy from the pleasure that hearing her cry out his name gave him.

His other hand slid up under the bottom edge of the tee-shirt that she was wearing and trailed lightly and warmly up her skin. Somewhere in the haze of sensation she could feel his fingers traveling over the ridges in her skin and she yanked herself away.

"Raven, what-" Robin began in a breathy voice.

"It's not my skin," she said in a heartbreaking voice. "Robin, this isn't my skin that you're touching."

His frustration mixed with the love and care and sorrow within him until his chest felt heavy. He pulled her shaking form into his arms and wrapped them tight around her. "Your father has been dead for eight years now Rae. Your body and flesh is entirely your own."

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

"So I hear that your girl is crazy."

Robin's head jerked up to see who was speaking. It was Michael Peters, one of Kori's old friends that also hung out with Raven. Michael was a guy that Robin hated.

"You shouldn't speak about things that you don't know about," Robin said tensely.

It had been a bad day. Raven had come into his room as four in the morning and he came _this close_ to being able to be with her and then instead he'd ended up holding her while she cried for over an hour. He could tell in the morning that she was avoiding contact with her own skin, anything that carried signs of the old abuse. He didn't want to leave her alone so he'd walked her to class thus making him late for his own. He had a headache from lack of sleep and frustration _and_ his body ached from pure _frustration_.

And now he was stuck talking to this idiot and had to at least attempt to be polite for Kori's sake.

Michael took over the seat next to Robin in the class as they waited for the professor who was uncharacteristically late. "Dude, she totally is. I was there during her freakout, remember? It must be annoying. Granted I would still _love_ to fuck her senseless."

Robin's fists tightened. "You should stop talking now."

It was clear that Michael was enjoying goading Robin. Michael had no reason to treat Robin well. He had wanted Raven for years and he was certain that if Robin was out of the way than he would get his chance. Not that he wanted to _keep_ Raven. He just needed to know what it would be like to have her between the sheets.

"Come on you're _married_ to her for god's sake. You can't stand to hear ideas about Raven and fucking?"

"Not from you," Robin said under his breath.

Michael hesitated for the briefest of moments, even he wasn't certain exactly how far he should go. "But doesn't she look like a freak with no clothes on?" he asked, voice carrying in the now entirely silent room. "Cause isn't her skin all fucked up from the fun with her papa?"

Robin's eyes flashed but he froze. It was unbelievable that someone would say those things. His mind was driven forcefully back to that morning when Raven couldn't bear to touch her own flesh and then to hear this idiot so casually reaffirm all of these horrors. It didn't even seem realistic.

"Good morning class," the professor said as she walked in. "I'm sorry that I'm late, there is some construction outside that wasn't there yesterday. Now, who wants to learn about economic business cycles from 1472?"

Robin automatically took notes during the lecture but his penmanship was cramped and forced, his mind was busy and his eyes were harsh. He just needed for this day to be over. Even Dr. Lendon seemed to know better than to ask him questions today. Normally he was one of her favorite targets as he always knew the answers and he was a natural class leader everyone else seemed to take their cues from him. But today he just exuded an air that said to not mess with him.

Then Michael leaned over and overtop of Robin's notes he scrawled 'we can talk about her body later.'

Robin didn't even know that he moved. Michael had been sitting in his chair but Robin had stood up and yanked him out of it and then threw him on the floor. He moved down to punch him in the face when he stopped himself and stood up. "I'm sorry professor but I've got to…" his mind searched for an excuse, "leave."

He grabbed his bag and headed towards the door of the nearly silent room. It was when he was halfway there that he somehow _knew_ that Michael was behind him. He didn't even hear the scream of the girl in the row or of the professor shouting. He just _knew_. And before he could even think Robin had reached behind him and with a grip of steel he grabbed Michael's wrist and flung him into the whiteboard. Michael gasped but before he could fall Robin had hit him with a punch directly in the stomach, almost faster than anyone watching could follow.

Robin's eyes opened wide and he backed away. Raven's words from that morning echoed in his head.

_You would have woken up the very instant that I touched the doorknob._

"Geez," a kid said as Robin walked out of the door. "With reflexes like that who needs friends?"

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

Victor walked in the dining room the next day to see Robin scowling at a letter that he had apparently just opened. "What's up chief?" Victor asked as he crossed the room to get some grape juice.

"It's an insurance claim," Robin said distastefully.

"You break some shit?" Victor asked startled.

"Yeah," he said as he slid the letter across the table.

Victor took a gulp of his juice and then picked up the letter, scanned it, and choked. "What the hell?" he managed after several moments of coughing. "Michael Peters with a broken wrist, two ribs, and a bruised vertebrae? What did you do?"

Robin had his face buried in his arms which were stacked on the table. "I grabbed his wrist and threw him to the floor and then into the whiteboard and punched him."

"No offense man, but you're not strong enough to break his _bones_."

"Yesterday I was."

Victor was silent for a moment. "So _why_ were you beating this punk up?"

Robin still felt angry as he thought about it. "He was saying things about Raven."

"How bad?" Victor asked immediately. Raven was like his little sister, if someone was going to mess with her than they were going to mess with him as well.

"He said things that I'm not going to repeat," Robin answered.

Victor shook his head. "No, you're going to tell me or else I'm going to the hospital to break the rest of Mikey's thin little bones."

Robin sighed. "He asked me how crazy she was, how good she was in bed, and what her skin looked like with all of her scars."

"I'll bet that little fucker's phrasing was as nice as yours," Victor fairly growled.

"He said _what?_" Gar asked.

Both Victor and Robin were startled and looked over to see Gar andKori at the door.

"Michael said all of that?" Kori said with a pale (as pale as it got) face.

Robin sighed and nodded confirmation. "Are you sure he was not just teasing?" she persisted. "He always teases Raven."

The expression on Victor's face worsened. "Teasing?" he repeated. "How long have you guys known this guy?"

"Five years," Kori answered.

"And that guy's been a Richard the entire time we've known him," Gar added. "You know that he's been wanting to jump Raven's bones ever since he met her."

"Why am I the last to know these things?" Victor demanded. "Some pervert's been hanging around Raven for all this time?"

"I did not know," Kori said.

"I didn't know any details until yesterday," Robin said through his arms where he had placed his head yet again.

"I knew," Gar said and then his eyes widened. "So the rest of you…_didn't_…?"

"Thanks a lot you ass, you're such a great help," Victor said.

"Where is Raven?" Gar asked.

"She's at class," Kori and Robin answered simultaneously.

Gar sighed. "Is she _any_ better?"

"No." Robin hesitated for a moment. "But she knows weird things."

Gar nodded. "I know. She knew some stuff that I've never told you all."

"Like what?" Victor asked.

"I'm not telling," Gar replied.

"Did she remember anything about…her father?" Kori asked slowly.

Robin sighed. "She had a strange version of what happened. But," he had to stop to take a breath, "she didn't get hurt in her version of it. She didn't have any scars."

The others were silent as they realized how dangerously close to breaking down Robin was.

"Is it a bad thing that she did not remember those terrible things?" Kori asked.

Victor answered. "It is when she has scars everywhere."

Robin was propping his head up with his hands and he nodded. "She also has a perfect recall of a non-existent world."

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

"You're the same in both worlds," Raven commented to Victor as she sat on one of the bar stools watching him use a set of tiny screws to make minute changes to some technological thing that she didn't recognize.

"Is that a good thing, baby-doll?" he asked without looking up.

Raven frowned. "Do you actually call me things like that? Or is this some sort of weird joke that I'm supposed to object to?"

"It's usually about half and half," he answered. "Sometimes you call me on it and sometimes you ignore it. I think that you've kind of gotten to the point where you phase out those particular words."

It sounded plausible.

"Was I pleasant?" she asked.

He looked closer at the thingamajig. "It depends on what you're expecting. For instance you're not the pleasant that Kori is. She's like a train of happy. And you have your own brand which is a quiet playfulness."

"Playfulness?" Raven repeated as she quirked an eyebrow.

"Don't be difficult," Victor reprimanded her. "You know what I mean. It's not a 'oh fun! Let's go play games!' kind of playful. It's a quiet and constant banter, wittiness, and presence."

Raven was silent. He was describing her behavior from both worlds equally. "Was your nickname ever Cyborg?" she asked.

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "No. And you're not allowed to start calling me that now, either."

Raven dropped a quick smile. It was nice to be around someone who wasn't always on eggshells around her.

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

There was a timid knock on the door that startled Raven from her futile attempt at sleep. She flung the blankets away from herself and padded over to the door stopping just within the room. "Who is it?"

"Kori. Can I come in?"

Raven opened the door as an answer and her lips moved into the quickest smile before dropping again. Star was dressed in an entirely pink nightdress complete with pink slippers. "I am similar?" Star asked with a slight smile.

"I hope so," Raven answered.

The smile wavered on Star's face before she nodded to the interior of Raven's room. "I thought that perhaps you would enjoy company tonight as Robin is elsewhere."

Raven gave the slightest of flinches at the open mention of Robin's absence but left the door open as an invitation as she walked back to her bed. Once both were settled Star hesitated. "Why is Robin not sleeping here?"

Raven's cheeks colored as she turned her head away. "I- He says that we've been married and all of that but-" she stopped.

Star seemed to understand what Raven was trying to say which was a relief since it would have taken an enormous amount of effort to explain it to the other Star. She paused. "What do you not remember?"

Raven stared at her. "I don't remember _anything_. Well, anything beyond this warped alter-reality that apparently doesn't exist. I remember having lived with you for years and I know all of your habits and loves, but I can't recount any single conversation that you would remember, Star."

"Star?" she repeated. "That is what you called me?"

"It's short for Starfire, but Star is easier. I'm working on not calling all of you these names, but it is difficult."

"Call me Star," she smiled. "I like it. It reminds me of what my nanny used to call me."

"Nanny?" Raven asked sharply. "Was it a he?"

Star nodded. "Yes. He loved me far more than my parents ever did. He used to call me Starshine. It doesn't make any sense, but his own daughter was called Sunshine, so he changed it for me."

Raven bit her lip consideringly. "Everyone here has a terrible past. What's yours?"

Every bit of happiness left Star's face. "I…" she stopped, picking up a pillow after several moments and hugging it tightly to her chest. "My family was murdered. We're a very old, very wealthy family and one night three people broke into our home and immediately killed my mother and father. I don't miss them…my mother had offered us to them.

"My sister and I were sleeping in our rooms which were on the other side of the mansion, the murderers may not have found us without my mother's directions. So they brought us back to my parents room where they told us what our dead mother had offered. And they raped us both and stabbed my sister to death. I don't know why they left me alive, perhaps each thought that the other had killed me, perhaps they thought that I was as good as dead, perhaps they were waiting to come back for me.

"I was taken into protective custody and the three were caught in less than a week. After that I moved in with my nanny who would never betray me like my mother did. He'll take care of me no matter what," Star's voice was fierce as she spoke the finish.

Raven sat silently. What happened to the family was much different this time than it had been before. "Did you get along with your sister? Or was she a backstabber like your mother?"

"She was my twin sister. I miss her every single day."

"Who did it?" Raven asked.

Star repeatedly ran her fingers through a lock of hair. "They were from a cult. It was called the Brotherhood of Blood."

Raven's head snapped up to stare at her. "The Brotherhood of Blood…What did they want?"

Star seemed startled at her reaction. "None would say. It wasn't money, or revenge or anything. The prosecutors suggested that maybe they just wanted destruction, but…" she sighed quietly, "I was there. They had nothing to prove, no abject cruelty. They just wanted us dead."

"But you survived," Raven breathed.

* * *

xxxxxxxxxx

Raven waited until Star fell asleep before landing lightly on her feet and moved directly and silently out of her room and down the stairs until she reached a room with a poster of a rock group outside of it. Then she began knocking insistently until the door opened and a startled Gar stood in the frame. "Whoa," he said taking in the skimpy outfit that Raven was wearing before she pushed him inside of the room and slammed the door shut behind them.

"What…?" he trailed off, eyes wide.

"We need to talk," Raven said firmly as she moved towards the desk chair ignoring the computer screen that was glowing with World of Warcraft.

"Whew," Gar said as he half collapsed onto his bed. "I was kind of worried that you were here to, y'know…jump my bones…in a violent, kinky sort of way. And that would be pretty bad since you're…_married_ and-"

"How did your parents die?" Raven cut him off.

His expression became rather worried. "Do we really have to talk about this?" he asked.

"It's important," Raven said as she steeled her voice.

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "You know how they died. The things they were experimenting with ended up killing them."

"Do you know who commissioned the project?" Raven persisted.

"It was the US. That's why it's a big secret."

"Are there any familiar names?" Raven ventured.

Gar frowned. "Familiar?"

"Control Freak, Dr. Light, Cinderblock, Games Master," she rattled off watching him for any sign of recognition. "Dr. Chang-"

"How do you know this?" he suddenly interrupted her. "Where did you get Dr. Chang? Are you guessing? No one else knows that!"

"Dr. Chang?" Raven repeated with wide eyes. "He was involved in the experiment?"

"He was the _head_ of the project. He's the one that closed everything down after my parents became infected, and he's the one that rewrote the history of what had happened when it all went to hell," Gar shook his head. "There's no _way_ that you know this."

The two of them were silent for a moment. Raven finally broke the silence, "Does any of this have anything to do with Slade Wilson?"

Gar's eyes widened. Then he slowly shook his head. "That's Robin's story, not mine."

* * *

Anyway, review please.

Flames are accepted, but kind of meaningless. Thanks!


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